March 25th, 2019

#thegist of it is…

So much for saving the drama for your mamaAre we witnessing Tonya Harding 2.0Angelique Kerber was salty AF after losing to Bianca Andreescu… againCongrats to the Calgary Inferno, your 2019 CWHL Clarkson Cup championsMarch Madness continuesThis highlight will make your jaw dropWe have a new fave hockey playerSee how the NHL playoffs are shaping upIt’s time to say goodbye to GronkSee what’s up this week

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"You're the Biggest Drama Queen Ever"  

The GIST: Things got dramatic on the ice and on the hardcourt this week. So much for saving the drama for your mama.
 
I’m intrigued. Spill the tea: First up, figure skating. Last Wednesday night at the ISU World Figure Skating Championships, 16-year-old South Korean skater Lim Eun Soo’s calf was allegedly slashed by the skate of 22-year-old American skater Mariah Bell. The “slashing” took place when the skaters collided during the warm-ups before the women’s short program.
 
These things happen, right?: Yes and no. After the collision, Lim’s management agency publicly accused Bell of purposely harming her rival (Lim still went on to have a personal best skate placing fifth while Bell placed sixth in the short). However, the skaters’ coach (yes, they have the same coach) said he did not think the slashing was intentional. And the officials came to the same conclusion given the available evidence. Still, people have been going off on social media and have even gone so far as to call Bell “Tonya Harding 2.0.” Not a good situation.
 
The good beyond the drama: Elizabet Tursynbaeva of Kazakhstan made her-story on Friday when she landed the first ever quad jump (rotating four times in the air effectively doing a 1440) at the women’s world championships. Watch the mind-blowingly impressive quad salchow here. Tursynbaeva ended up placing second behind Russia’s Alina Zagitova. On the downside, it was the first worlds in 15 years that Canada was held off the podium. Yikes.  
 
Meanwhile in tennis: Coming off her big BNP Paribas Indian Wells win over No. 8 in the world Angelique Kerber, Canadian teenage phenom 18-year-old Bianca Andreescu is continuing to dominate. After a seriously stunning comeback in the opening round of the Miami Open, Andreescu faced Kerber in the third round. And, yet again, Andreescu beat Kerber 6-4, 4-6, 6-1. Get it, girl!
 
And Kerber did not like it: Kerber told Andreescu that she was the “biggest drama queen ever” while shaking hands at the end of the match. Which really begs the question: is Andreescu a drama queen or is Kerber a sore loser? Later, Kerber changed her tune and tweeted congratulations to Andreescu on the win. It’s still largely up in the air why Kerber called Andreescu a drama queen (we prefer just queen), but it may have been because Andreescu called her trainer three times throughout the match to work on her injured shoulder (which is totally allowed). Regardless, Kerber may or may not now be in our Burn Book. We’ve got you, Bibi.
 

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We Are The Champions, My Friends

The GIST: The Calgary Inferno defeated Les Canadiennes de Montréal 5-2 on Sunday to become your CWHL (Canadian Women’s Hockey League) Clarkson Cup Champions! It’s their second Clarkson Cup title in franchise her-story.
 
The deets: It was an action-packed and quite chippy game with both teams firing on all cylinders. Still, the Inferno clearly had Montreal’s number. Our fave play of the game? This absolute snipe from Brianna Decker (yes, that Brianna Decker). Unsurprisingly, this superstar won the Clarkson Cup MVP award.
 
What was missing for Montreal?: Their Captain Marie-Philip Poulin. Poulin was out of commission due to a lower-body injury she suffered in the last game of the regular season. And while one player can’t make all the difference, she definitely could have made some. She’s one of the best players not only in the CWHL, but also in the world. This season she was named the CWHL MVP (her third time in four seasons) and she’s also the captain for Team Canada.
 
Girl power: Shout out to Sportsnet for having an all-female broadcast crew for the game.

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U Mad?

The GIST: The NCAA March Madness college basketball tournament continues to be mad entertaining.
 
Any upsets?: You bet, but nothing too crazy… yet. The biggest upset on the men’s side was No. 13 UC Irvine defeating No. 4 Kansas State in the first round. For the women’s tournament, although it’s not technically an upset, No. 11 Tennessee lost to No. 6 UCLA in the first round. It’s the first time in 10 years that Tennessee hasn’t made it to the second round. As the great Nelly Furtado once said, “all good things come to an end.”
 
But…: All No. 1 ranked teams (the March Madness bracket is divided into four regions with a No. 1 ranked team in each) in both the men’s and women’s tournaments are still in.  
 
The best play: Okay. We literally can’t even with Louisville’s Asia Durr. Watch this insane no look, over the head passing play and tell us your jaw doesn’t drop to the floor.
 
The craziest game: No. 9 UCF was so close to beating No. 1 Duke Sunday night. With only three minutes left in the game, UCF was up by four points. But then, after a missed UCF dunk, it seemed like everything changed thanks to Duke superstar freshman Zion Williamson and RJ Barrett (our Canadian!). They took the game into their own hands, drilling the winning buckets, and bringing their team to a 77-76 victory. Watch the highlights of the final seconds here.
 
What’s next?: The women’s tournament finishes up it’s Round of 32 today. After that, it’s the Sweet Round of 16. It’s their chance to shine.

GIST Some Other Sh!t You Should Know

- Washington Capitals goalie Braden Holtby announced on Friday that he won’t join the Capitals in the White House if they win the Stanley Cup again this year. Why? Aside from the obvious *cough* Trump as the president *cough* he believes in a world where humans are treated with respect regardless of their stature and who they’re born as. Holtby for MVP president.
 
- Speaking of hockey. The playoff race is officially on with the regular season ending on April 6th. In the Eastern Conference, the Montreal Canadiens, Carolina Hurricanes and Columbus Blue Jackets are battling it out for the last two wild-card spots. Over in the west, it’s the Colorado Avalanche, Dallas Stars and Arizona Coyotes who are looking to take those final two playoff spots. Keep tabs on who’s in and who’s out here.
 
- Welp. After nine years and three Super Bowl wins, New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski is retiring. Although he’s only 29 years old, the game has seriously taken its toll on his body over the years and it’s time to call it quits. We’re really going to miss this goofball but at the same time are glad he is practicing self-care.

What’s Up This Week

Tuesday: The Ottawa Senators are hosting the Buffalo Sabres Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. ET. At the same time, our Toronto Raptors are hosting the Chicago Bulls. The Raps will be looking to bounce back after a nail-biter of a 115-114 loss against the Charlotte Hornets on Sunday.

All Week: March Madness, baby! The women’s Round of 32 continues today, and the men’s Sweet 16 starts on Thursday.
 
And, the Miami Open tennis tournament continues. Although Milos Raonic (pronounced MEE-LOSH RAU-NITCH) is out, our girl Andreescu, and our boys Denis Shapovalov (aka El Shapo) and Felix Auger-Aliassime remain in. Unfortunately, Serena Williams has withdrawn from the tournament due to a left knee injury. This is the second tournament in a row that Williams has withdrawn from, the first due to flu-like symptoms at Indian Wells. Sadness.

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Sign me up!