March 14th, 2019
The GIST's Spiciest Quote of the Week
“Watching World of Dance watching J.Lo text Alex Rodriguez little does she know that he is cheating on her with my ex-wife Jessica poor girl she has no idea who he really is.” - Retired MLB star Jose Canseco spilled the tea all over Twitter on Sunday, accusing Alex Rodriguez (better known as A-Rod) of cheating on new fiancée Jennifer Lopez with Canseco’s ex-wife. You can stop pinching yourself, we promise you didn’t wake up in 2004.
Desperate Times Call for Desperate... Housewives?
The GIST: Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman (Aunt Becky of Full House and Lynette of Desperate Housewives) are two of dozens of parents caught in a messy AF college admissions bribery scandal.
Why Are We Talking About It?: The actresses are part of a group of 50 people that have been accused by the FBI for faking the academic and athletic credentials of teenagers (often their children) to get them into esteemed U.S. universities like Stanford and Yale.
Faking How…?: Like full-fledged recreating kids’ lives to make them look more desirable to admissions offices, including faking their athletic achievements. One parent even went so far as to create fake photos of their teenager decked out in water polo gear even though their kid never actually played water polo... SMDH. And it was all made possible by college prep service The Edge College & Career Network (aka “The Key”), a front for parents to funnel money through in exchange for admittance assurance. Anything was possible, for a cost.
How Much We Talking?: At least 33 insanely rich parents are accused of paying an estimated $25M USD in bribes. That includes an alleged $500k from Loughlin and her husband to have their two daughters listed as USC rowing team recruits... even though they’ve never rowed. It’s the biggest college admissions scheme EVER prosecuted.
Super Bowl? More Like Super Browns.
game after 19 straight losses dating back to 2016. This year, they’re making headlines as Super Bowl contenders.
Wait… What… How!?: Crazy, right? On Tuesday, the New York Giants traded Odell Beckham Jr. (OBJ), easily one of the best wide receivers in the game, to Cleveland. Get the full trade details here. And now he’ll be catching balls tossed by Browns’ quarterback (QB) Baker Mayfield, easily one of the most exciting QBs in the game. Add that to the rest of the Browns' suddenly impressive roster (including OBJ’s college teammate Jarvis Landry) and you’ve got a recipe for success. Like the finale of this season’s Bachelor, literally no one saw this coming.
Elsewhere in the NFL: The Le’Veon Bell saga has its next chapter. After dramatically never playing a game for his Pittsburgh Steelers last season in search of more money (and respect), the running back (RB) signed a new four-year dealwith the NY Jets on Wednesday making LESS per year ($13.1M USD) than what the Steelers were going to pay him ($14.5M USD).
Guess That Plan Backfired?: Not so fast. In the NFL, RB’s have notoriously short careers. Why? Because their job is basically a never-ending game of Red Roveragainst a lineup of 300lb, strong men. So Bell’s new deal comes with much more guaranteed money than his deal with the Steelers ($17M compared to the $35M he’ll make with the Jets, a new record for his position) meaning even if he gets injured, he’ll still be making it rain.
Get A Little Action In
The GIST: To say things got a little bit testy in the sports world this week would be an understatement. Mercury in retrograde really does mess with everyone.
In the Red Corner: Serge Ibaka is in hot water again. The Toronto Raptors’ big man was suspended three games for a fight with Cleveland Cavaliers’ Marquese Chriss late in the third quarter of the Raps’ 126-101 loss on Monday. And this wasn’t the first time Ibaka started an in-game melee. Does someone want to remind him that this isn’t hockey?
In the Blue Corner: Not to be outdone, Oklahoma City Thunder’s Russell Westbrook also lost his cool on Monday. In the second quarter of OKC’s game against the Utah Jazz, Westbrook was caught on camera yelling some nasty things at a fan and his wife. Westbrook said he only went off in response to the man’s inappropriate racial comments and stood by his reaction after the game. When the dust settled, Westbrook was handed a $25k fine and the Jazz handed the fan a lifetime ban from their arena. There’s no excuse for this behaviour.
In Every Corner: This one is probably the least surprising considering Conor McGregor literally fights people for a living BUT STILL. The MMA fighter was arrested on Monday in Florida for grabbing the phone of a fan who was trying to take his photo, stomping on it and then jetting off with it. No one loves having a phone pointed in their face, but that’s just a bit dramatic?
GIST Some Other Sh!t You Should Know
- On Monday night, a video from the Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Tampa Bay Lightning game surfaced where it sounded like Leafs’ defenceman Morgan Rielly was yelling a homophobic slur at a referee. At least, the internet was quick to decide that’s what had happened. The internet was wrong. The NHL cleared Rielly of all wrongdoing, but instead of letting the story fade out, Rielly and Leafs general manager Kyle Dubas took the opportunity to stand up. What followed was an honest, open press conference discussion about homophobia with hella forward-thinking comments from Dubas like this and this, leaving no room for error on the Leafs’ stance on LGBT rights. Nicely done, boys.
- Canadians are kicking @$$ and taking names at Indian Wells. Both the men’s and women’s tournament are taking place in California this week (the tournament is also referred to as the BNP Paribas Open) and teenage phenom Bianca Andreescu has posted upset wins all the way to the semifinals, including a dominant quarter-final 6-0, 6-1 win over No. 20 Garbine Muguruza. #BiancaRising indeed.
On the men’s side, Denis Shapovalov (aka El Shapo) and 18-year-old Felix Auger-Aliassime have both been eliminated, leaving all Canadian eyes on Milos Raonic (pronounced MEE-LOSH RAU-NITCH). He’ll play his quarter-final match against Serbia’s Miomir Kecmanovic today at 4:00 p.m. ET.
- A group of Canadian curlers (maybe inspired by the USWNT?) are joining the fight for equal pay. We recently covered the both the men’s and women’s Canadian Curling Championships. Turns out, the prize for winning the men’s Brier was $70k, while the prize for winning the women’s Scotties tournament was less than half of that—just $32k. The Brier drew larger attendance numbers, HOW-EV-ER both events saw similar TV viewership numbers and the athletes (both men and women) are rightfully taking the issue to Canada Curling in hopes of closing the #wagegap. Like c’mon, it’s 2019!
What’s Up This Week
Friday: The Toronto Raptors are taking on LeBron James’ Los Angeles Lakers at 8:00 p.m. ET. This is a bit of a mismatch as the Raps have officially clinched a playoff berth and LeBron has a 99.9% chance of missing the postseason for the first time in 14 seasons. BUT, we’ll take any excuse to watch the GOAT hit the court. And stay tuned for some big news coming from the Raps today. Them boys up to something.
Saturday: The Battle of Ontario is renewed Saturday night! The Leafs take on the Sens at 7:00 p.m. ET (watch it free on Hockey Night in Canada). The Sens have officially been eliminated from the playoffs, while the Leafs are pretty much a lock (even though they’ve lost back-to-back games), but these teams are always fired up to play each other and we’re expecting fireworks. *Katy Perry’s Firework plays in the background*
Selection Sunday: March Madness is coming, and there’s A LOT to know. This annual NCAA (college) basketball tournament features the 68 best teams in the U.S. and is notorious for huge upsets and ‘Cinderella’ stories. The bracket matchups are being decided on Sunday and the whole thing kicks off on March 19th, so get #thegist on what to expect here.