February 4th, 2019

The Super Bowl was quite possibly the most boring football game we’ve ever watched. Adam Levine took his shirt off… and he also dad-danced. Canadians were golden on the world stage. Golf this weekend was the rowdiest thing you’ll ever see.Canada did okay at rugby sevens in Sydney, Australia. We’re saying goodbye to Lindsey Vonn. James Harden is on a whole other level we literally can’t even. See what’s up this week. And see what the ~stars~ are saying to us.

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That's What You Call a Dynasty    


The GIST Super Bowl Recap brought to you by DAZN. With DAZN, you can watch sports anytime, anywhere, from any device, live or on-demand.  

The GIST: Last night, the New England Patriots beat the LA Rams 13-3 to win Super Bowl LIII!
 
Deets on the Game: TBH, this game was boring AF…probably the most boring championship game we’ve ever watched. Why? It was the LOWEST scoring Super Bowl EVER. There were zero points scored in the first quarter. A Pats field goal in the second quarter. A Rams field goal in the third quarter. It wasn’t until the fourth quarter where the Pats, in classic Pats fashion, finally turned the taps on and scored a touchdown and a field goal. Shout out to both teams’ (okay, mostly the Pats’) v impressive defensive squads for keeping the scoring so (unbearably) low.
 
The Pats Dynasty: This win marks the Patriots’ sixth Super Bowl title in franchise history - all being won since quarterback (QB) Tom Brady and head coach Bill Belichick joined forces in 2000. With six Super Bowl rings, Brady has won more Super Bowls than any other player in NFL history. He is seriously, very literally theGOAT. The Patriots are also now tied with the Pittsburgh Steelers for the most Super Bowl wins ever. They’ve got a sixth sense.
 
More Mind-Boggling Stuff: Both Belichick (age 66) and Brady (age 41) are theoldest coach and QB respectively to ever win a Super Bowl. Like a fine wine, they just get better with age. The two old guys aside, the star of the game was Julian Edelman (he’s 32 so...not old) who solidified himself as a playoff legend and won Super Bowl MVP.
 
Halftime Show Recap: The most exciting part of this game was seeing Adam Levine with his shirt off. Outside of that, Maroon 5 gave a kind of ‘meh’ performance. Which, to be fair, was expected considering the controversy around the halftime show with many artists opting not to perform in support of unsigned QB Colin Kaepernick (pronounced CAP-ER-NICK). While it wasn’t the best halftime show, it also wasn’t the worst. It was a surprisingly fun 2000’s throwback. We definitely sang our hearts out to Maroon 5’s classics and appreciated the Travis Scott and Big Boicameos (although kinda cringe when Adam Levine danced beside them). But altogether, this Super Bowl was pretty vanilla.

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Stay Golden

The GIST: While we were all distracted by the dah-rama of the Super Bowl this weekend, some Canadians were busy dominating the world. O’ Canada, indeed.  
 
Ski Bunnies: Shout out to Marielle Thompson for winning gold at the ski cross world championships on Saturday. This win marked her third (!!!) overall world cup ski cross win. We guess the third time really is the charm. On the men’s side, Brady Leman won a silver while Kevin Drury snagged the bronze. We are all about that Canadian podium.
 
Setting Records, Breaking Hearts: This weekend, 24-year-old pole vaulter, Alysha Newman, won the gold at the women’s IAAF indoor meet in Germany. She cleared 4.71m to set a national indoor record - a record that she previously held at 4.70m. Get it girl!

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Get That Garbage Outta Here!

The GIST: This weekend, the Waste Management Phoenix Open took place in Scottsdale Arizona with Rickie Fowler winning it with a 17 under par score after four rounds.
 
Cool. Why Should I Care?: Because the Waste Management Open is the most fun golf tournament of the season. No seriously. It’s known as ‘The Greatest Show on Grass’ because, unlike other golf tournaments where you have to be relatively quiet and clap like you’re the goddamn Queen of England, this one gets rowdy AF.
 
I Dig That. Fill Me In: It gets particularly lit up on the 16th hole where there are massive grandstands for the ultimate viewing experience. Fans on this hole cheer, boo, heckle, dress up in wacky costumes, chant and drink. Sound like a golf tournament you could get behind? Same. And a lot of other people agree with us. It’s the best-attended event in golf with about half a million people in attendance.
 
How Do Players Feel About it?: Some love it. Some hate it. Either way, it takes next-level mental toughness to concentrate because of all the distractions. So, theplayer that holds his sh!t together the best normally wins. Big snaps to Rickie Fowler for flexing his mental game, even though he shot a three-over-par in the final round. Wonder if he meditates?

GIST Some Other Sh!t You Should Know

- New Zealand was victorious in both the men’s and women’s tournaments at theHSBC Rugby Sevens Series in Sydney, Australia this weekend. Show-offs. On thewomen’s side, Canada placed fifth and are sitting in third place on aggregate in theseries. On the other hand, the men’s Canadian team is not doing so well, sitting 11th overall and being relegated to the consolation round of this series.  
 
- This weekend, the GOAT of women’s skiing, American Lindsey Vonn, announced that she’ll be retiring after the World Championships in Sweden this month. Vonn is retiring with 82 World Cup wins - the most of any woman - as well as three Olympic medals (among many other accomplishments). Unfortunately, Vonn’s dominance also came with a lot of serious crashes and injuries, and her body simply can’t keep up with the sport anymore. We’re definitely going to miss this powerhouse on theslopes.
 
- Okay. We gotta talk about the Houston Rockets’ James Harden. On Saturday night, ‘The Beard’ recorded his 19th 40-point game of the season AND extended his streak of consecutive 30-point games to 26. To help explain why this is such a BFD, this is the third longest 30-point streak in NBA history. This guy is literally on another level.

What’s Up This Week

Tonight: The Toronto Maple Leafs are coming off a BIG 3-2 win over the Pittsburgh Penguins on Saturday and are hosting the Anaheim Ducks tonight at 7 p.m. ET.
 
The Ottawa Senators are coming off a tough 2-0 loss on Saturday to the Detroit Red Wings. Next up? They’re travelling to the #6ix to take on the Toronto Maple Leafs in the battle of Ontario. This is always a heated one so you won’t want to miss it. Catch it at 7:30 p.m. ET.

Tuesday: The Toronto Raptors are travelling to Philly to take on the 76ers. TheDinos are coming off a big win against the LA Clippers yesterday afternoon and will be looking to keep the good times rockin’ and rollin’.

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The Stars Are Aligned

The GIST: On Thursday, we predicted that Tom Brady and the Patriots were gonna win the Super Bowl. And we were right! Wow. We’ve only been wrong once now. Thestars really are speaking to us.  
 
Horoscope: We’re guessing that Maple Leafs Auston Matthews will score at least once against the Ducks and once against the Ottawa Senators this week. Matthews is a Virgo, so he is always paying attention to the smallest details. And, it’s that detail-oriented game that makes him one of the best in the NHL.

P.S. This is a new section, so let us know how you like it by emailing hi@thegistnews.ca

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